My Mom Slammed My Hand in the Car Door

Not recently. No, I think she is still in California visiting Bernie's family. I'm talking like I dunno 30+ years ago, I think we were at the state fair or the Livonia Spree or something and we were piling into the car to leave. As a 5 year old it was my responsibility to be poking around in the hinge part of the door, because that is what a 5 year old does- Mom just closed the door. Of course this was an accident- I am fairly certain she did not intentionally crush my hand. At least I hope not. I don't even remember if it hurt. It probably friggin killed- but I was like 5 so you forget that kind of stuff. Well just enough to hang over my Mom's head for the rest of my life :)


Let me tell you what I do remember. Sitting on the couch with my hand in one of those little yellow Tupperware cups filled with ice. Or maybe my Faygo was in the cup... I dunno. There were definitely Tupperware cups involved.

Tupperware Cups found on Tree Fall Design Blog

Every Sunday or maybe it was Saturday night we would get to watch The Muppet Show. My brother and I each had one bowl of popcorn and a small cup of soda. Probably Faygo. There must have been an enormous amount of Mommy guilt going on this night because honestly... the only thing I remember about the entire experience is that I got an extra bowl of popcorn and an extra cup of soda.


To this day, I tease my Mom all the time. "Mom my hand still hurts..." News flash. Doesn't hurt. I don't remember any of it. I only remember that I scored extra popcorn, soda and watching The Muppet Show. Which for the record is one of the best programs ever on television. If you disagree you are wrong.


You see. Here is where I am right now. Stuff happens. Stuff out of my control. Don't tell my kids, I can't fix everything. I cannot be everywhere all the time. Even though I tell them I can. I certainly try. When accidents happen the guilt becomes part of me. This example, is the same. But different. I was inside with Kate a few weeks ago and Bradan had a major wipe out on his scooter. I mean... yikes...

Bradan's Knee - Post Wipe Out

His knee was raw, but what was worse was his uncontrollable screaming. I mean seriously... you would have thought his leg was being chopped off. 

While I was making every attempt to console him- my heart was so heavy because there was nothing I could do to make him feel better. It took a good 30 minutes to get him to calm down just to let me wipe the snot from his face let alone the blood from his knee. Selfishly, I look back on this day and while I certainly think about the horrible road rash he had and how bad he felt. I also think about how helpless I felt not being able to fix it or prevent it from happening all together. The guilt comes over me and I think- if I would have been there this wouldn't have happened. WTF do I think I have superpowers? Was I really going to swoop in and catch him as he flew down his favorite scooting hill he calls "The Mountain" clocked at a good 12-18 mph? Probably not. 


Yup, probably should have been wearing knee pads... luckily he religiously wears his helmet- because we have brainwashed him on that one. But I should not feel guilty about not being there. They are growing. They don't want me watching over their every single move. (otherwise they wouldn't get away with anything!) I know I should not feel guilty- but I do.


I took this photo of his knee and recorded him screaming because I know he will forget. On occasion he will look at photos on my phone and say- "My knee was really gross Mommy. Look at it now- it is totally healed". This is still pretty fresh in his head since it just happened recently- but I'm pretty certain the memory will fade into, getting to prop his leg up, watching Shark Boy and Lava Girl, extra play time on the Wii, special snacks and Caprisun.


Accidents happen. Scraped knees and pinched fingers are inevitable. While I don't wish them on anyone- it gives them a story to tell, a scar to show later or a tramatic experience to hold over their Mom's head... "Mom remember that one time when I wiped out on my scooter? You should have bought me knee pads". Yeah yeah. My point is, I have got to stop with the Mommy guilt. 


My Mom is the coolest. She did not intentionally slam my hand in the car door. She probably relived the experience in her head a thousand times that day. I can't say for certain- I just know that this is what I do with my kids. I can't be everywhere all the time. Shit is going to happen. All I can do is hold them tight when something happens and have it all documented so when they are ready to hang it over my head- I will just be able to nod and laugh that they have a story to tell instead of feeling guilty for not being there to prevent it from happening.